I am always amazed at how Biblical concepts are mangled when expressed in popular books by well-meaning authors. Such is the case with the newest edition stirring up debate entitled, “The Surrendered Wife.”

The premise is simple: Modern wives need to acquiesce to their husbands in order to build their self-esteem, create marital harmony, and restore respect to the role of the husband in the family. Laura Doyle, the author says that this approach has saved her own marriage and can do the same for other women.

I certainly can’t argue with the idea that submissiveness is a powerful spiritual virtue in a women’s character. However, as is the case with most who simply borrow ideas from the Bible, Ms. Doyle fails to recognize principles that guide the application of its teachings in life. When it comes to the issue of submissive or surrendered wives, the Bible provides the following context:

1. Submissiveness is first and foremost an expression of one’s faith in God. To submit to one’s husband simply as a tactic to improve a bad relationship is nothing more than subtle (perhaps not so subtle) manipulation.
To be submitted to one’s husband is to respond to God’s call to go against our natural human tendency to ascend, and allow another to head us in order to replicate in our marriages the image and construct of Christ’s relationship with His church (Eph. 5:32).

2. Submissiveness is consensual. A woman’s submission in marriage is a free offering of herself through faith in God and because of her love for her husband.
She gives it freely and he accepts it under the condition that he also will be in submission to God and prepared to offer the sacrificial love necessary to be the steward of such a precious gift (Eph. 5:25-28).

God does not ask anyone to surrender themselves to others. This idea might provoke debates and sell books (The Surrendered Wife is already on Amazon’s top 10) but it won’t create healthy stable marriages.

God wants all of us to surrender ourselves to Him first and He will freely give us the tools to establish marriages that are pleasing to Him as well as the partners involved. This will involve submissiveness but not the type that is the cold calculation that is promoted in the pages of this latest self-help effort.