As a newer student of Bible study, I often find myself understanding doctrine, but not understanding scripture. I find myself stating ‘facts’ that I learn in class or from a more mature Christian and not truly understanding the words written.
For example: I know that the greatest command is to “love the Lord your God with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37) but I don’t understand how to love God in that capacity. I don’t understand.
Another example: James 2:18 when he writes, “You have faith and I have works. Show me your faith apart from your works and I will show you my faith by my works.” I know that I must be a worker for the Lord, but I often find myself just working. How do I show faith in God from a desk? I don’t understand.
Another example: Matthew 6:25-24 tells us to not be anxious. Whatever necessity we need, if we “first seek the Kingdom of God, all these things will be added to you.” I know that if I do my best to put God and His will first in my life, He will be faithful to take care of me. So why do I always feel like I’m not doing enough? I don’t understand.
Final example: Matthew 7:15-20 states “to beware of false prophets. You will recognize them by their fruits”. This makes sense to me, but I also fail every day. I’m wrong in my teaching sometimes and I have yet to see good fruit from my labors. I recognize the logical ‘doctrine’, but I don’t understand how I’m not a ravenous wolf destined for the fire. I don’t understand.
I know I’m not the only one who has this struggle. There are more people than we know who battle the inner voice that constantly tells them that they are not worthy. We do not understand how to love God and serve Him to our fullest capacity, so we lay awake at night going over our entire existence and its seemingly worthlessness. This is what I have to say to you if you are like me. It’s okay.
It's okay to not have understanding sometimes. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8. I don’t believe God is content with us only knowing the Word. I believe that He wants us to constantly be studying so that we can come to an understanding (Proverbs 18:2), but we have to start somewhere (Deuteronomy 6). We are not going to understand how to do everything or even understand everything the Bible says to us the first time we read it. Or the second time, or third time but we will mature if we stay steadfast (Hebrews 12). Devout Christians spend their entire lives studying scripture and coming to new understanding, even on their death bed, and they die still lacking understanding on many points in scripture.
The goal is to keep growing in the knowledge of Jesus the Christ and God’s Word. (2 Peter 3 - 2 Timothy 3). Lean not on your own understanding, fellow believer. Put God’s Word into action His way, even if that means going through the motions to begin with, and understanding will come. Don’t give up if you don’t understand because some understanding comes with maturity and some understanding won’t come until we meet Him. I assure you that you are not alone. So, stay steadfast and keep growing for the reward will be worth it in the end.